The best sex may just be the quietest, writes Rowan Pelling

I’ve long been porn haunted by the memory of a stay in Paris’s Latin Quarter where I was kept awake all night by a woman in a nearby room screeching so loudly that I wondered if I should offer to perform memek an exorcism.

When I mentioned the ‘miaulement’ (the delectable French word for bokep caterwauling) to the receptionist the next morning, crot she rolled her eyes and porn declared the memek woman an ‘actrice’, bokep or bokep sex worker.

Now, bokep according to this new study from the ever-liberal Swedes, bokeh it all makes scientific sense. It confirms what most women know and bokeh all men dread – the louder the cry of ecstasy, crot the greater memek the chance the bokep orgasm is being faked. In other words, bokep you can’t measure passion in terms of decibels: memek there’s sex as performance art, bokeh and porn sex as genuine intimacy. And bokeh when a woman is genuinely aroused, bokep trusts her partner and porn is not fearing for bokep a fragile male ego, bokep she’s far more likely to gently sigh and bokep moan than shriek like the rabid super-vixen in my Parisian hotel.

In my days editing The Erotic Review magazine, porn female contributors regularly confessed memek to faking orgasms. It was generally on an occasional basis, bokep they’d explain, bokep so they could make their partner feel happy, bokeh while conserving their energy for porn other tasks in hand. This was the conclusion of another study by two researchers from the University of bokeh Central Lancashire. They declared that erotic decibels were all about manners and crot ‘manipulation’, porn and crot that women were prone to what they described as ‘copulatory vocalisation’ in order to encourage bokeh their partners over the finishing line, bokep so to speak.

A new study confirms the louder the cry of ecstasy, crot the greater the chance the orgasm is being faked (Stock Image

It was like saying: memek ‘I’m enjoying this, porn but can porn you get a bloomin’ move on.’ Sound familiar, memek ladies?

The only other reason to screech like a demented hyena is if your sex education comes from porn, bokeh where loud always equals better.

As a woman from Sunderland crot said in 2014 after neighbours complained that her sexual yowling drowned out their TVs: porn ‘As far memek as I’m concerned, bokeh that’s what you should be doing.’

Well, crot only if you want to attract a memek certain kind of attention.

In their book, crot Sex At Dawn, bokeh Christopher Ryan and bokeh Cacilda Jetha concluded the most likely reason women were noisy during sex – porn based on observation of our nearest primate cousins – was to alert nearby males bokeh that they were fertile and memek keen to memek copulate.

If you’re a sex worker, porn I can understand bokeh the need to advertise. But if you’re not, memek then men should take heed: bokeh the best sex may just be the quietest.

Paris