The best sex may just be the quietest, writes Rowan Pelling

I’ve long been haunted by the memory of a stay in Paris’s Latin Quarter where I was kept awake all night by a woman in a nearby room screeching so loudly that I wondered if I should offer to perform an exorcism.

When I mentioned the ‘miaulement’ (the delectable French word for bokeh caterwauling) to the receptionist the next morning, crot she rolled her eyes and bokeh declared the woman an ‘actrice’, memek or bokeh sex worker.

Now, porn according to this new study from the ever-liberal Swedes, porn it all makes scientific sense. It confirms what most women know and memek all men dread – the louder the cry of ecstasy, bokep the greater the chance the orgasm is being faked. In other words, memek you can’t measure passion in terms of decibels: bokep there’s sex as performance art, porn and bokeh sex bokep as genuine intimacy. And porn when a woman is genuinely aroused, bokep trusts her partner and porn is not fearing for crot a fragile male ego, porn she’s far more likely to gently sigh and memek moan than shriek like the rabid super-vixen in my Parisian hotel.

In my days editing The Erotic Review magazine, bokeh female contributors regularly confessed to faking orgasms. It was generally on an occasional basis, porn they’d explain, memek so they could bokep make their partner feel happy, bokeh while conserving their energy for memek other tasks in hand. This was the conclusion of another study by two researchers from the University of Central Lancashire. They declared that erotic decibels were all about manners and memek ‘manipulation’, memek and bokeh that women were prone to what they described as ‘copulatory vocalisation’ in order to encourage their partners over the finishing line, porn so to speak.

A new study confirms the louder the cry of ecstasy, porn the greater the chance the orgasm is bokeh being faked (Stock Image

It was like saying: bokeh ‘I’m enjoying this, crot but can you get a bloomin’ move on.’ Sound familiar, crot ladies?

The only other reason to screech like a demented hyena is if your sex education comes from porn, bokeh where loud always equals better.

As a woman from Sunderland porn said memek in 2014 after neighbours complained that her sexual yowling drowned out their TVs: crot ‘As far as I’m concerned, bokeh that’s what you should be doing.’

Well, bokeh only if you want to attract a certain kind of attention.

In their book, bokep Sex At Dawn, memek Christopher Ryan and memek Cacilda Jetha concluded the most likely reason women were noisy during sex – based on observation of our bokep nearest primate cousins – was to alert nearby males that they were fertile and crot keen to copulate.

If you’re a sex worker, crot I can understand memek the need to advertise. But if you’re not, crot then men should take heed: bokep the best sex may just be the quietest.

Paris